i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
