She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
do nipples grow back?
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