hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
