ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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