he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
