i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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