We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
