I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
