I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
