Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
