After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
zippers are such a cool invention
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
