Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
