Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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