You smell like stripper and shame
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
