just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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