just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
