hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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