I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
