Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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