I think im going to throw up on grandma
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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