Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
