Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
