I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
