i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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