Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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