I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
do nipples grow back?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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