And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
