I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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