I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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