Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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