He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're so nebulous sometimes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
