my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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