We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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