my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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