I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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