Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
