i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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