Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
