mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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