Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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