Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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