We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
