hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
