I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
