Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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