I think my vagina is haunted
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
