So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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