I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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