One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
