someone get that fucking seahorse.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
