Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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