I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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