He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
