yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
