apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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