Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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