Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
