D3 body, D1 cock
If i come over, it means nothing
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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